


Keep it on the down low

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Asexual Character, Best Friends, Demisexual Raphael Santiago, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Raphael, Kissing, Latino Characters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Simon Lewis, they're oblivious idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:38:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8006023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Simon wanted to strangle Raphael for simply existing because just looking at the other was doing impossible things to him and he really shouldn't be thinking like this about his best friend, hence the date with Izzy. Sure, it was pretty fucked up to go on a date to distract yourself from being in love with someone you didn't have a chance with anyway but Isabelle was intelligent, gorgeous and fierce - Simon was sure he could develop feelings for her if he just tried hard enough!</p><p>He had been so bummed out when he had realised his feelings for Raphael because he had been in love with Clary for ages and when he finally got over her, of course, he fell in love with his other best friend. Because this was Simon's luck. This was probably the universe's way of telling him "<em>Well, that's what you get for being pansexual</em>".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep it on the down low

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you" from [this](http://mckvch.tumblr.com/post/150134160447) list.

"It's _Izzy_! I can't be dressed too formal but graphic t-shirts would be too casual as well. I need--I need...help," Simon whined and stared at the content of his wardrobe that was currently spread across his room - covering the floor, his desk and the part of his bed where Raphael wasn't sprawled out with the most bored expression in the history of ever.

"That's an understatement," Raphael deadpanned, not even looking up from the book he was currently reading. _Why_ did he bring a book when Simon had sent him an emergency text?! He needed help choosing an outfit for the date he had with the incredible Isabelle Lightwood in a few hours. And of course he had to ask Raphael for help because not only was the other his best friend aside from Clary but he was also the better choice to ask for clothing advice. Though right now Raphael was absolutely no help at all, lounging on the bed amidst all this chaos and reading his damn book. And of course the other looked frustratingly handsome _as usual_ with his artfully tousled curls and perfectly fitting clothes.

Sometimes Simon wanted to strangle Raphael for simply existing because just looking at the other was doing impossible things to him and he really shouldn't be thinking like this about his best friend, hence the date with Izzy. Sure, it was pretty fucked up to go on a date to distract yourself from being in love with someone you didn't have a chance with anyway but Isabelle was intelligent, gorgeous and fierce - Simon was sure he could develop feelings for her if he just tried hard enough!

He had been so bummed out when he had realised his feelings for Raphael because he had been in love with Clary for ages and when he finally got over her, of course, he fell in love with his other best friend. Because this was Simon's luck. This was probably the universe's way of telling him " _Well, that's what you get for being pansexual_ ".

"Come on, don't be a dick and help me, Rapha!" Simon whined (in a very manly way, of course!) and his shoulders slumped a little more. It was pretty ridiculous to ask the person he was in love with to help him get ready for a date with a person he really liked but, well, just not in that way. Yet! He was determined to get over his feelings for Raphael because there was no way he would risk to ruin this friendship, just like he had kept his feelings for Clary before a secret and somehow managed to overcome them in silence. It worked out once, it would work out again, of that Simon was sure.

"I'm not sure I can help you, considering your clothes consist mainly of shirts with superheroes or bad puns. Do you even own a dress shirt?" Raphael asked with a sigh, finally closing the book and placing it next to him on a Spider-Man shirt.

"I have a flannel," he offered his very begrudging looking friend with a wry smile and, okay, that was a no.

"You're _not_ wearing a fucking flannel to your date, Simon. How you managed to make her agree to this is still beyond me," Raphael replied with another sigh and shuffled a little before sitting up, his gaze lazily scanning the room for something remotely useful, before he lifted his arm and pointed in a certain direction.

"What's that over there?"

"Uh...my guitar?"

"Yes, Simon, go to your date butt naked and wear only your guitar. That's my advice."

Simon gaped at his best friend and he admittedly had some troubles to keep his mind out of the gutter at Raphael mentioning him and naked in one sentence. The other pinched the bridge of his nose in upcoming annoyance and glared at Simon, before pointing in the same direction again.

"I'm talking about the piece of clothing stuck in between your beat up guitar and the beanbag, _idiota_."

Well, that made more sense. Simon walked to said spot and tilted his head before he grabbed the article of clothing to reveal a dress shirt. Wow. He didn't even remember he owned this one. It must have been buried underneath everything else.

"But it's red..." He eyed the shirt sceptically and looked back up at Raphael, barely catching the other's eye roll.

"You're insufferable. It's _maroon_ , you doofus, and it will emphasise your eyes. Maybe you should consider asking Clary about colour effects - she's an artist, I bet she can explain the synergy of different colours to you. Don't wear bright colours because they only distract; brown eyes are best enhances with either darker _red_ , golds or blues - lighter shades of blue for pale brown eyes and in your case darker shades of blue would do the trick. Simple."

Simon was a little taken aback because he had always assumed Raphael just managed to always look on point without actually knowing shit like this. _The synergy of colours_? Seriously?! And why in the world would Simon's brain categorise the other's knowledge about how to underline one's eyes with the colour of their clothes as sexy? Who in their right mind would think of this as sexy? He had a problem, there was no denying that.

"Yeah. Simple."

Just as simple as falling in love with Raphael all over again because of this stupidly smug grin Simon would really want to kiss off the other's temptingly soft looking lips. This was a disaster! He was preparing for a date with the most badass girl he ever knew and here he was, swooning because Raphael had to show off his knowledge about clothing.

"Wear that, find some dark jeans _without_ any holes in them and you're basically ready to go. Not too casual, not obviously trying too hard," Raphael commented and a pained little sound escaped his lips when Simon just pulled off the shirt he was wearing.

" _Simon_ , iron the damn shirt!"

And for a second there Simon had thought the sight of his bare torso had caused Raphael to make this sound. But why would he? They were best friends and, sure, the insults were always playful and he knew the other never (or rarely) meant any of them but they still stung a little and reminded Simon over and over again that he had absolutely no chance with this boy. _"How you managed to make her agree to this is still beyond me"_ \- the words would probably haunt him forever, painfully reminding of the fact that Raphael thought it was illogical for someone to want to go on a date with him.

Simon nodded slowly, snatched some dark jeans that looked alright off the floor and padded into the small living room to iron the shirt and then get dressed in the bathroom. His nervousness and good mood had faded away by now, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth and the nagging feeling of rejection pooled deep in his stomach. It was ridiculous, really. Raphael hadn't rejected him but it still felt like it after he had basically said that someone like Izzy would usually not go on a date with someone like him. Sure, Simon _knew_ he was not that type that was lucky enough to be recognised by such gorgeous people and he doubted Izzy was seriously interested in dating him but knowing that even Raphael thought so was...it _hurt_.

He didn't even look into the mirror after changing, just left the bathroom again and tried to ignore that he was absolutely not in the mood anymore to meet Isabelle later. Simon felt like spending the rest of the day curled up in his bed and feeling sorry for himself. He knew Raphael probably hadn't meant anything by his comment but sometimes such things got to Simon much more than he'd like to admit. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft little gasp and Simon's eyes focused back on reality, realised his feet had carried him to his room already and that Raphael was looking at him with slightly widened eyes. He looked down, scanning himself if he honestly managed to screw up dressing himself somehow to justify this reaction.

"It's surprising how different you look without one of you graphic shirts," the younger commented after clearing his throat and got up from the bed to walk towards Simon. Raphael seemed nonchalant but something was up, Simon knew it from the look in the other's eyes but he couldn't quite place the emotions he saw in the dark orbs. Was this a bad thing? Did he look awful? Or was Raphael trying to tell him that this looked better and his graphic shirts were horrible? Simon was pretty sure he wouldn't handle another (playful) insult very well and therefore didn't ask for an explanation.

"This looks really good," Raphael explained without prompting and reached out to tug at the collar of Simon's dress shirt and straighten it a little, tugging it into place und smoothing his fingers over the thing material. Simon knew his heartbeat was picking up at the close proximity to his best friend and he almost leant into the touch.

"Better than my usual horrible attire?" Simon had meant for it to sound joking of playful but his voice sounded a little bitter to his own ears and he knew Raphael had picked up on it because his fingers stopped moving and his dark eyes snapped to Simon's.

"It's more decent and fitting for a date than your usual style, yes, but I never said it was horrible."

"Come on, we both know you hate my graphic shirts."

Raphael looked a little taken aback and Simon actually felt bad for saying it out loud. They never talked about this before but he just knew his best friend didn't approve of his clothing most of the time - he always made teasing comments and sometimes he stared at Simon with a pained expression when he thought the elder wouldn't notice.

"I really don't..." There was the pained expression again and Simon frowned, was about to reply but Raphael continued.

"The shirts suit you and I never once thought they were horrible," he added and stared into Simon's eyes, fingertips softly pressed to the collar of the slightly taller boy's shirt so that Simon could feel the contact more prominent, warmth seeping through the thin frantic and causing his skin to tingle.

"Because they're as childish and ridiculous as I am?"

" _Dios mío_ , what is it with you and accusing me of thinking you look bad or childish all of a sudden? We're friends, I would tell you if something bothered me, especially when it comes to your appearance. You should know that! They suit you because they express how much you love all of this stuff - the superheroes, tv shows and bad puns. It's you, your personality and there's absolutely nothing horrible about that. And you're stunning, no matter what you're wearing."

Simon's eyes widened and Raphael's did the same because he obviously hadn't intended to say the last part. The younger's cheeks turned a light pinkish colour and Simon couldn't believe his best friend actually _blushed_. He felt his own cheeks heat up a little at the compliment as well, though. Heart beating even faster and mouth suddenly way too dry.

"I highly doubt it," Simon said and he tried to laugh it off but the seriousness of Raphael's dark eyes made him freeze and swallow. There was something like fierce determination that settled on the other's pretty face and Simon felt nervous all of a sudden, too big for his own skin.

"Of course you do. Because you're so sure about being worth less than anyone else or that you look awful compared to the people around you and it's just...Sometimes I really want to slap you over the head because it's so _frustrating_ that you're completely oblivious to your effect on people. You have a great personality, always know how to talk to people and make them smile, and you look adorable without even trying. Your clothes suit you because they represent the way you are - passionate about the things you love and unafraid to show it openly."

Simon was surprised at the sudden anger in his best friend's voice and he staggered back a little when Raphael shoved him slightly, glaring at him with pained frustration and a frown.

"You're ready for your date, so I'm going to leave now. Have a great evening," Raphael added - _spat_ , really - and he grabbed his book with a sour expression, didn't even look at Simon anymore who was severely confused about this sudden outburst. The other pushed past him but Simon managed to actually react in time and turn around to wrap his fingers around Raphael's wrist and stop him.

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Why are you mad at me?" Simon was so fucking confused and the glimpse of a hurt expression on the younger's face before he averted his eyes completely did nothing to make him feel any better. What did he do to screw up this badly?

"I'm not mad at you, _idiota_. I'm mad at myself for thinking--because I'm--" Raphael breathed out harshly and shook his head, freeing himself from Simon's grip, "It doesn't matter."

Simon's heart broke a little because Raphael suddenly sounded so small and sad, ducking his head and biting his bottom lip, instead of carrying his head high with a confident smirk as usual.

"It does. It matters. You're clearly upset and I'm sorry if this is my fault. _Please_ talk to me, Rapha."

Raphael's shoulders slumped a little more and Simon was pretty sure he would only get another dismissive answer because the younger usually wasn't the guy to really talk about stuff when it came to himself but that never stopped Simon from at least trying. He stepped a little closer to the other boy but hold back the urge to reach out even though Raphael's expression made it really hard not to pull him in for a hug.

"This is really not the time. You should do something about this messy hair of yours before the date," Raphael pointed out, changing the subject as if he hadn't slightly flipped out on Simon a few minutes earlier and should maybe explain his behaviour.

"Seriously? There's still enough time until I have to go and we can talk while I get ready - in fact, why don't _you_ do my hair? I style it, like, never. So it's not going to look any better than now or even worse if I do it myself." Okay, he wasn't that bad at styling his hair and this was a lousy attempt to get Raphael to stick around a little longer but it did seem to work if the other's resigned sigh was anything to go by.

The younger simply pushed Simon towards the bathroom and made him sit down on the lid of the toilet before grabbing the still unopened tube of hair gel sitting on the small shelf near the sink. Raphael was obviously determined to get this over with and not talk anymore but, of course, Simon couldn't just let things be.

"You do realise that I'm going to ask again and again until you tell me what's going on with you, right? I'm not going anywhere until I know why you're acting so weird."

There were a few seconds of silence and Simon had a difficult time focusing on the conversation when Raphael's gel coated fingers brushed through his unruly mop of hair. The younger still looked frustrated and kind of angry but his touch was unexpectedly gentle, cautious even.

"Good, I don't want you to go."

Simon knew he was probably gaping unattractively but he wasn't quite sure if he really heard Raphael utter these words or if he started to imagine things. The younger simply stared at what his own fingers were doing and it didn't seem like he had just said anything at all.

"You...uh...why?"

"Because you look amazing and only a stupid person wouldn't want to go on a second date with you but I really don't want to be the one helping you getting together with someone else. I didn't even know you liked her that way," Raphael admitted, his fingers still occupied with Simon's hair and gaze fixed on anything but the elder's face. Simon couldn't stop his heart from beating faster because this almost sounded like a confession. Like Raphael wanted to be the one going on a date with him but that was impossible, right?

"That's because--because I don't. I don't like her that way."

Raphael finally met his eyes, surprise was written all over his beautiful features and once again Simon had a difficult time not reaching out. He wanted to grab the other's hip, pull him closer, hide his face against the younger's chest or maybe even taste his oh-so-kissable looking lips that were slightly parted right now, looking even more inviting.

"But you're going on a date with anyway because...?" Raphael prompted and his fingers stilled, slipping down from the back of Simon's head to rest against the nape of his neck. Simon felt the slight stickiness of the gel on the other's fingertips, pressed against his skin, but he really couldn't care less right now.

"Because I thought the person I--" Simon stopped, averted his gaze for a brief moment to take a deep breath before he decided to finally be honest about his feelings for once, "I thought I would never have a chance with you anyway and this was the best I could come up with to try and get over you."

It was Raphael's turn to gape at him and he still looked frustratingly handsome while doing so. Simon knew his cheeks must have become pretty red by now and his heart was thumping against his ribs frantically, anxiously waiting for some kind of reply. He honestly didn't expect Raphael's fingers to dig into his hair again, gently pull his head back and slot their lips together. There was a split second where Simon expected to have misunderstood everything that happened this evening, that Raphael would call him a fool and leave, but the sudden press of soft lips against his mouth caused every single thought to evaporate.

Simon finally reached out, his fingers curling into the thin material of Raphael's shirt at his sides, pulling him impossibly closer. The younger boy's lips felt amazing - unexpectedly clumsy but warm, soft and so gentle that Simon felt like he melted a little bit inside. Of course, the kiss didn't change that they still had stuff to talk about but it could wait a little longer and Simon felt like quite the asshole when he sent a text message to Isabelle several minutes later, telling her that the date was off, but Raphael's smile was so worth it.


End file.
